Journeying to Grace

The eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had ordered them. When they saw him, they worshipped, but they doubted. (Matt 28:16-17)

I heard this verse last weekend, and a quiet voice inside whispered, “Me too.” The disciples worshipped, but they doubted – I’m in good company. I relate to this experience of simultaneously worshipping (praising, loving, believing) and doubting. Even though I know doubting in faith and spirit is not ‘of God,’ it still surfaces; especially during challenging times, especially when answers do not seem clear, and especially when burdens feel their heaviest. Hearing these words again encouraged me to reflect on this doubt of faith and spirit. How can I doubt while I believe in the merciful love and grace of the Father? Do I doubt that God loves me? No. Do I doubt that He hears me? No. Do I doubt that God is present and with me always? No. But because my faith and trust are imperfect, and because my surrender is not always complete, I experience times of doubt. But it is not doubt of faith in God’s love, plan, or presence but rather in my own strength, abilities, and worthiness.

Doubt is a fog that prevents us from seeing clearly and from trusting fully. It impedes our spiritual view and comes between what we know is true in faith and what we feel is missing in our spirit. However, it also presents a grace of opportunity. When we prayerfully recognize and confront this fog of doubt, we invite the Lord to meet us there. We ask Him to renew our strength and lift the fog. Our doubt is not a lack of faith but an acknowledgement that we long for the loving hand of God to remove our fears and grow our trust in His healing presence.

We know the story of Peter walking on the water toward Jesus. He begins his first steps in great faith but allows his fear of the waves and wind to be stronger than His trust in the Lord who is near him. Peter begins to sink. (Matt 14:28-30) Jesus said to Peter, ‘You of little faith, why did you doubt?’ (Matt 14:31) I hear this in a gentle and comforting voice, for Peter and for us. I don’t believe the Lord is upset with Peter or with us when we doubt, but in those moments, He does invite us to something more – not to be of little faith, but of great faith; not to have a little trust, but to have complete trust. What did Jesus do in the water? He reached for Peter and saved him, as He does for us.

Even in our uncertainty and fear, we have a God of hope who waits for us to call for Him. Let us pray that when we encounter the fog of doubt, we also worship the Lord, seek Him, and in restored trust, faithfully walk toward Him.